Hot take: All uncool cars become cool given enough time

It doesn’t matter how bad it originally was: even the least cool cars become cool with age.

You can see it happening everywhere. Beige people movers are proving popular 20 years after they launched. Cars that were once seen as daggy are fetching good prices to be kitted out as drift cars. Underwhelming ‘grandpa’ cars now feel a bit edgy. And even the puniest, most gutless wonder of a car model eventually has someone develop a soft spot for it.

Based on nothing more than vibes and observations, here are the reasons that all uncool cars eventually become cool.

Factor #1: A fondness for simpler times

In the same way that the ol’ brick-like Nokia 3210 has had a resurgence, older second-hand cars have the appeal of being simple and uncomplicated. Without power windows and climate control, you get to feel the warm breeze driving to the beach. Without screens everywhere, you can easily find the volume knob and pump up the jam. Sure, you might not be able to hear much through the tinny speakers, but that just takes you back to the good ol’ days of sweet analog life. These days, it seems everyone yearns for a time when algorithms didn’t rule the day – even those who weren’t alive yet.

Simple cars are easy to fix and as the world gets more complicated, they become easier to love. And that’s one big reason why some uncool cars see a resurgence.

Factor #2: Affection for the underdog

There’s something about the wholly unlovable car that makes it somehow endearing over time. Whether it’s poor build quality, ugly design or trim that falls off in your hands, some cars become adored just for the fact that they were kind of terrible from the start. Many of the worst ever cars have turned out to become cult classics. It turns out, there’s a blurry line between irredeemable and irresistible.

The DeLorean was known for being expensive, slow and badly built, but this didn’t stop it becoming highly collectible after featuring in Back to the Future. Marty McFly even expresses his skepticism about the use of a DeLorean in the movie.

The Morris Marina, which was ranked one of the worst cars ever built and became a running joke on Top Gear being destroyed by piano and fire, had a fervent fan club that defended its honour. Jeremy Clarkson also admitted to really liking the three-wheeled Reliant Robin that he rolled over again and again – which was once voted the 8th worst car ever.

And here in Australia, there are Holdens and Fords that first flopped and now have a cult following (see: Ford Cortina, early Holden Torana). Whether they tanked at the time because of an overly-ambitious vision or a rushed production process, it really doesn’t seem to matter. Time brings out the devotees.

Factor #3: Irony

There’s an element of irony that takes some cars from seriously daggy to seriously desirable. What begins as a practical or even boring choice gains a whole new relevance in the world of #dadcore and #normcore. The more awkward the better, and comfort and space are also key qualities. Think of it as the car equivalent of white New Balance sneakers.

As a result, you might well see boxy 1980s Japanese cars, ‘grandpa specs’ models or 90s French cars rocking up at a car meet. The very qualities that once made these cars uncool have now become their selling points as people seek distinctive alternatives to whatever's currently popular. Uncool is the new cool.

To recap

All around Australia, plenty of cars that were once scorned are now lovingly being polished in garages and discussed on car mod forums. It’s just a matter of time before pretty much every uncool car becomes a lovable character, whether that’s through irony, a love of simplicity, or straight-up pity.

If you prefer your cars… erm, not falling apart at the seams, there’s always Carma. It’s easy to find a quality, modern pre-owned car with the features you love and a 3-month warranty for peace of mind.

And rest assured: no matter how sensible your choice, it’ll probably be cool by 2045.